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Struggles of Life

Do you guys ever struggle with your own decisions? Do you ever beat yourself up because you made dumb choices that landed you where you are? Do you have regrets about anything you’ve done in life? Because for me the answer is yes to all of those questions.

When I graduated high school I wanted so badly to be a cosmetologist. I had my mind made up that that was the career path I wanted to take. Prior to that all I ever wanted to be was a nurse. When I say my entire life was planned around me being a nurse, I’m not exaggerating. But I feel in love with the beauty world. Hair, make up, nails, skin care. I loved it all. So I went to cosmetology school. And about 5 months into that I realized that wasn’t what I want to do.

So I of course applied for a nursing program. I was going to be a nurse if it was the last thing I did. I was almost a year into my program and my school shut down. I found out not a single credit I earned was transferable, so I had to start completely over. And during that time when I was redoing all my pre-req classes I fell in love with psychology. I decided I wanted to be a therapist. I worked for two years trying to get a psych degree. But once again I realized I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life doing that. I love psychology still, like I research and learn about everything psych related. But something inside me was telling me that wasn’t my path.

So I took a year off. I spent that year working, trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to do something in the medical field because the human body just fascinates me, but I was worried I’d never get into a nursing program. I researched everything I could possibly be in the medical field and I found an interest in radiology tech. I thought imaging was so cool. I thought it was so interesting to see the human body in real time, things we can’t see just by looking at someone. So I applied for that program, and of course, I wasn’t accepted.

After I received that rejection letter I realized that everything I loved was a part of being a nurse. Cosmetology: making people feel good/look good, psychology: understanding the mind and the disorders of the mind, radiology tech: seeing internal injuries and finding a way to fix them. everything I love is a part of the career I always dreamed of having. I hate that I didn’t just stick with nursing to begin with. I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life. I feel like I lost part of my life to bad choices. I feel awful and ashamed that it’s taken me this long to figure things out.

But then I realize, if I had stuck with nursing I may have regretted never trying anything else. I may have hated it because I wanted to explore other career paths. Part of me is sure God had this plan for me. He made me so of course He knows how regrettable I can be. I think he lead me to where I am now so I can appreciate the career I always wanted and dreamed of.

I think it’s so important to remind ourselves that everyone has a different journey. Everyone is on their own pace. No two humans are the same with the way they think. There is no way to predict anything. And as much as I hate that it’s taken me years to find what I want to do, I am thankful for the experiences that got me here. I keep reminding myself that this is just the journey I am on. I am not behind or slacking or useless because it took me 5 years to choose a career path, I’m just learning.

Remember to be kind to yourself and appreciate the journey you are on. Don’t give up on your dreams. Always remind yourself that God (or whatever/whoever you believe/ don’t believe in) has a plan , everything will work out the way it should. 💕

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