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Evolution

Does anyone else ever feel like their life is so far off from where they thought they’d be? Like you had all these plans for your life, all these ideas of the person you wanted to become, and yet that person still feels light years away?

I feel like my life was sooooo different when I imagined where I’d be. If you went back and asked 15 year old me who I wanted to be in 10 years, I’m absolutely nothing like that person. I would have said I want to be a nurse, with a husband, maybe a kid, and a dozen animals. But I’m over here so far from any person I would have dreamed I was going to be.

But honestly, I think the person I am is so much better. I’ve endured so many things in my life. Told myself I was only going to be one person. I feel like I suffocated myself to fit this mold of who I thought people wanted me to be. The person I thought people would like. Yet my most authentic friendship was with someone who truly knew me. That friendship got strained but I still cherish her so much for loving me so authentically.

I just think there are so many of us striving for this perfect image, this perfect life. I mean I developed body dysmorphia based on this notion that I was supposed to be someone else. I don’t think it ever was about my physical appearance, I think it stemmed from all these goals I had set in my life that I never achieved. But I was suppressing every part of me to fit this mold that I thought was “perfection”.

I think the most beautiful thing in life is when you just embrace who you are. You don’t have to fit into one mold, you can be 50 different things. I love art, to my core I think every form of art is just a stunning representation of all the things humans can be. But I also love cars, I would go to 100 car shows even though I understand zero about cars. I just love them. I love animals. I love every genre of music. I also love cheerleading, I get so excited watching videos related to it. I love dance. I am weird. but I think that’s what makes us all so beautiful.

I am not even close to the person I thought I’d be at 25, which I will be in a week. I don’t have the same style. I don’t have any of the same friends. I’m evolving every single day. I’m learning to love all parts of me. Embracing every weirdo, quirky thing that makes me so uniquely me.

So while I’m not a nurse, I don’t have kids and I still haven’t had a guy so madly in love with me he wants to get married. But I have me. I have my new dreams. My new passions. Every detail of myself that I just find stunning. And I couldn’t be more grateful for the people and events that lead me to who I am. No one is perfect. But that’s so beautiful. The fact that we find other humans who we love and adore, who are so imperfect is just so stunning to me.

The ability to evolve is what’s beautiful about growing up. But you have to be willing to be your most authentic self. Don’t hold back because of an image you’re trying to portray, it’ll only lead to heartbreak and loneliness. Express yourself. Be you. Evolve into the person you want to be. I promise, when you finally fall into yourself and allow yourself to be you, everything will click. Every piece will fall into place. You, will be you.

PS, this was not the post I planned for today. But I think it is absolutely stunning. 💕

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